Score: 5

"The guy below me inspired me :)"

submission: Friendly Fire: BaG

date: July 7, 2009

I'm going to try to not be as harsh as I am sometimes in my reviews, mainly because my dislike for other people's opinion on this game quickly outweighed any problems I had with the game itself. Here's my pro/con list... kind of.

Music - 10,000 points. You would make nintendo proud (the leaders in happy music scores)
DIY/Mouth-made Sound Effects - 10,000 points. It was funny. Especially the sound effect of the first gun... and jumping.
Concept - 5,000 points. It's hit or miss depending on the player... but it was sort of original.

That's what I liked about the game. Here's what I didn't:

Levels - Epic Fail. They were all basically the same... all of them that I played up until the point that the game was way too repetitive - forcing me to quickly come here to give my 2 cents.
Gameplay - Epic Fail. What's up with the frame rate? I can run basically everything but 360/ps3 games and Crysis... and the whole game was laggy for me except when I jumped on the higher platforms... then suddenly ZOOOOOOM. Annoying to say the least.
Guns - Fail. Yes, they were varied... but I have to ask myself, "Do I really care enough about the random fictitious guns the author made to go through this monotonous series of levels killing the same small handful of furball-flinging-rodents to see them?" The answer is a resounding "No."
Big Kill - Fail. It was too little, too late for a game this repetitive. It almost was like pouring salt in an open wound. "Tired of killing the same 5 rodents? Here's a slightly larger one to kill!" I didn't find it amusing in the slightest.

There are a lot of games out there, that when you really "geek-out" on them - you can find some dogmatic way of leveling/grinding/ignoring-the-story-
entirely, etc. The difference with those games is that the player has a choice of caring about the plot, or caring about the ridiculously simple upgrade system. This game doesn't give the player that choice. It says, "You're a dork. You only care about leveling up stuff to make up for a lack of real validation in your life. After you blow 4 hours of your life unlocking all the weapons, you can rest easy knowing that you OVERCAME A CHALLENGE! However pointless said challenge was... pat yourself on the back anyways."

The level design said something along the same lines; "You don't care about effort put into art. You only care about ascertaining what point in the level you can exploit the most headshots - therefore, as the author, I've taken the liberty of making the levels devoid of any real variation, saving you the daunting task of not being distracted by decent design/creativity... I mean come on... you're just here to kill animals, right?" Well, in all fairness, I would say that most of the players who reviewed below me seemed to not mind this, and just wanted to grind out some headshots, double-kills, and triple-kills, etc.

I think you were on to something good, but that you didn't polish it. Add in a mild story line, however asinine, and develop the levels a little bit. Maybe add the option of keeping multiple guns... or... SOMETHING... I don't know - but the upgrade system is lacking something that I can't put my finger on. I didn't write this review to bash you, or put you down - I wrote it to be a voice of reason in the sea of sheeple who play games here. I do think overall you did a GOOD JOB - it's just like I said, begging for a little polish.

I look forward to Spelgrim pwning my face with a sequel that leaves me eating my words with a spoon :D

.... NEXT!

Score: 7

"I know you're mad..."

submission: Upgrade Complete!

date: June 28, 2009

Neat lil' game. I guess you made your point...?

Let me share with everyone what it's like for me buying a console video game. First off, I like RPG's but I find myself playing more and more FPS', and "western" RPGS now-a-days. Why? Cuz I'm sick of the lame voice acting, the pointlessly cliche plots, and... the childish graphics. I'm sick of being stuck playing a fucking girl (what's with uber-nerds incessant need to roleplay a girl??? all my most losery friends would always pick Xania when we played Goldeneye on N64)

Short of happening upon like, the WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE of video game plots - I doubt anything will be very cool to me anymore... by "cool" I mean not already beat-to-death and somewhat original. So yeah... I get off on upgrades. I like that in a game when I'm not just stuck being some peon with a peashooter going up larger and larger crowds of unrelenting retards while I pretend to give a fuck about saving some fictitious princess. "Oh no! The Ultimate Evil! What will mankind do? Oh wait... I don't care. I'm just wondering where I can buy armor and a sick weapon."

---- that's "fun" to me :P

Score: 0

"Geh ... artist or thief?"

submission: WKUK Russian Roulette

date: June 27, 2009

You make a half-assed video and slap audio from some of the best sketch comedy available so that people can think the punchline was, "...forehead - BANG!"

I have this weird feeling after reading the reviews that half the people watching this don't know what Whitest Kids U Know even is, and the kind of stuff they "poke fun at". In this one, I believe they are poking fun at people who make a big deal out of smoking pot... but apparently they were REALLY high when they wrote the skit... the skit that makes everyone laugh there asses off. Mozart? On drugs. Van Gogh? On Drugs. Hendrix? On drugs. Bill Gates... sober as fuck(unless you count nerd-angst as a drug, then he's totally spun out). Which side are you on?

If you thought this was funny, you should check out the real WKUK... so rather than seeing a bunch of shitty stick figures - you can see the people that actually did it. I strongly recommend, "The First Rap Song about Getting High With Dinosaurs", and "Trevor Talks to Kids"

Score: 5

"White Screen"

submission: Nevermore 3

date: April 2, 2009

All I get is a white screen. It says I'm "Done" in the lower left, and I'm allowing all scripts on the page.

: /

Score: 8

"Refreshing!"

submission: The Rise of a KING

date: March 24, 2009

I don't know exactly what you did to make me sit through the whole game... but I guess it was a couple hours well spent. I liked the Zelda feel from the NES side-scroller, the townsfolk were similarly useless in that game :)

Some of the things I really liked:
- Style of graphics
- Side-Scroller meets RPG/Adventure is always fun
- Music was pretty good/appropriate
- Equipment you can "see"
- Good size maps, not too big, not too small
- Random Encounter AI
- General Concept / Storyline (but I use that word loosely)
- Animations (strong attack, enemy deaths, magic spells)

Some of the things that could have been greatly improved upon:
- difficulty of attaining new items (maybe some could be from "quests")
- holding up basically makes you invincible
- "Everyone's dead but you. Even tho you have been a total dick, and called every wizard in the land 'useless', you're the new King" ----- Ugh, need I say more?
- amount of available equipment
- more side-quests utilizing the additional caves/maps
- more variety in the AI

All in all, it's not the first side-scroller with RPG elements that I've played since the second Zelda game on NES... but it is one of the better ones! I really hope you keep your future titles as simple in game play, but add more depth to the story, quests, and equipment, and all analogous elements of games from other genres. I'm sure you know what I mean :)

Score: 6

"Close to good..."

submission: Chrome Wars

date: March 20, 2009

Negatives:
- Too easy
- Too repetitive

Suggestions:
- Action Points for attacks
- Bosses
- Classes/Types of Robots (Heavy/Light/etc)
- Story Line
- Smarter AI

I think the game was nicely done, but that it needs work. Graphics were pretty good, wouldn't hurt to add some more battle music, either. Please revise the game because I'm waiting for a "finished" copy :)

Score: 8

"Goodly."

submission: Bloody Fun Day

date: March 20, 2009

The reason people get addicted to puzzle games is because it's a raw problem. You brain craves problems to solve, lest you be forced to actually experience the life around you. Many gamers will cover this inner desire to solve and endless amount of made-up problems (video games), by saying they liked the story. Their mouth said that, but their mouth isn't their brain. Their brain likes "problems" - and not like a challenge, but like chaos.

This games gives you ample problems.

It's good.

Score: 8

"Very Strange"

submission: The Child That Smelt Odd

date: January 4, 2009

It was very strange but also fairly original so I liked it. The animation was a little weird but overall I liked the style. People became blobs : /

"Suggestion 494: Try to remember different shades of grey" XD

Score: 8

"Pretty Decent"

submission: Santa's Green Dilemma

date: January 4, 2009

It was pretty good, I wanted to slap the elf too. "Celery and water ~ no second helpings" ... and I'm not even morbidly obese like Santa :D Santa was a little too much of a divorced alcoholic type tho lol

Score: 8

"Not my bag"

submission: The Brass Seal: Ep 1D

date: January 4, 2009

I didn't really care for it. I thought it was interesting enough to finish watching though. The characters weren't very likable in my opinion, but I'm just not too into "cheesey" stuff. Still, you did a pretty good job as a whole.