Score: 5

"The guy below me inspired me :)"

submission: Friendly Fire: BaG

date: July 7, 2009

I'm going to try to not be as harsh as I am sometimes in my reviews, mainly because my dislike for other people's opinion on this game quickly outweighed any problems I had with the game itself. Here's my pro/con list... kind of.

Music - 10,000 points. You would make nintendo proud (the leaders in happy music scores)
DIY/Mouth-made Sound Effects - 10,000 points. It was funny. Especially the sound effect of the first gun... and jumping.
Concept - 5,000 points. It's hit or miss depending on the player... but it was sort of original.

That's what I liked about the game. Here's what I didn't:

Levels - Epic Fail. They were all basically the same... all of them that I played up until the point that the game was way too repetitive - forcing me to quickly come here to give my 2 cents.
Gameplay - Epic Fail. What's up with the frame rate? I can run basically everything but 360/ps3 games and Crysis... and the whole game was laggy for me except when I jumped on the higher platforms... then suddenly ZOOOOOOM. Annoying to say the least.
Guns - Fail. Yes, they were varied... but I have to ask myself, "Do I really care enough about the random fictitious guns the author made to go through this monotonous series of levels killing the same small handful of furball-flinging-rodents to see them?" The answer is a resounding "No."
Big Kill - Fail. It was too little, too late for a game this repetitive. It almost was like pouring salt in an open wound. "Tired of killing the same 5 rodents? Here's a slightly larger one to kill!" I didn't find it amusing in the slightest.

There are a lot of games out there, that when you really "geek-out" on them - you can find some dogmatic way of leveling/grinding/ignoring-the-story-
entirely, etc. The difference with those games is that the player has a choice of caring about the plot, or caring about the ridiculously simple upgrade system. This game doesn't give the player that choice. It says, "You're a dork. You only care about leveling up stuff to make up for a lack of real validation in your life. After you blow 4 hours of your life unlocking all the weapons, you can rest easy knowing that you OVERCAME A CHALLENGE! However pointless said challenge was... pat yourself on the back anyways."

The level design said something along the same lines; "You don't care about effort put into art. You only care about ascertaining what point in the level you can exploit the most headshots - therefore, as the author, I've taken the liberty of making the levels devoid of any real variation, saving you the daunting task of not being distracted by decent design/creativity... I mean come on... you're just here to kill animals, right?" Well, in all fairness, I would say that most of the players who reviewed below me seemed to not mind this, and just wanted to grind out some headshots, double-kills, and triple-kills, etc.

I think you were on to something good, but that you didn't polish it. Add in a mild story line, however asinine, and develop the levels a little bit. Maybe add the option of keeping multiple guns... or... SOMETHING... I don't know - but the upgrade system is lacking something that I can't put my finger on. I didn't write this review to bash you, or put you down - I wrote it to be a voice of reason in the sea of sheeple who play games here. I do think overall you did a GOOD JOB - it's just like I said, begging for a little polish.

I look forward to Spelgrim pwning my face with a sequel that leaves me eating my words with a spoon :D

.... NEXT!

Score: 7

"I know you're mad..."

submission: Upgrade Complete!

date: June 28, 2009

Neat lil' game. I guess you made your point...?

Let me share with everyone what it's like for me buying a console video game. First off, I like RPG's but I find myself playing more and more FPS', and "western" RPGS now-a-days. Why? Cuz I'm sick of the lame voice acting, the pointlessly cliche plots, and... the childish graphics. I'm sick of being stuck playing a fucking girl (what's with uber-nerds incessant need to roleplay a girl??? all my most losery friends would always pick Xania when we played Goldeneye on N64)

Short of happening upon like, the WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE of video game plots - I doubt anything will be very cool to me anymore... by "cool" I mean not already beat-to-death and somewhat original. So yeah... I get off on upgrades. I like that in a game when I'm not just stuck being some peon with a peashooter going up larger and larger crowds of unrelenting retards while I pretend to give a fuck about saving some fictitious princess. "Oh no! The Ultimate Evil! What will mankind do? Oh wait... I don't care. I'm just wondering where I can buy armor and a sick weapon."

---- that's "fun" to me :P

Score: 0

"Geh ... artist or thief?"

submission: WKUK Russian Roulette

date: June 27, 2009

You make a half-assed video and slap audio from some of the best sketch comedy available so that people can think the punchline was, "...forehead - BANG!"

I have this weird feeling after reading the reviews that half the people watching this don't know what Whitest Kids U Know even is, and the kind of stuff they "poke fun at". In this one, I believe they are poking fun at people who make a big deal out of smoking pot... but apparently they were REALLY high when they wrote the skit... the skit that makes everyone laugh there asses off. Mozart? On drugs. Van Gogh? On Drugs. Hendrix? On drugs. Bill Gates... sober as fuck(unless you count nerd-angst as a drug, then he's totally spun out). Which side are you on?

If you thought this was funny, you should check out the real WKUK... so rather than seeing a bunch of shitty stick figures - you can see the people that actually did it. I strongly recommend, "The First Rap Song about Getting High With Dinosaurs", and "Trevor Talks to Kids"